2020, Doomsday, and All Things Chaos

by | Jul 1, 2020 | Yogic Activism | 0 comments

Does it Feel Like The End to You…?

As I reflect on “who am I…” to have any thoughts or opinions about anything really, I have to first look at who I am.

2020, Doomsday, Politics, and All Things Chaos

Besides writing my own personal blog about my experiences during the quarantine, I have been pretty quiet (publicly) regarding my thoughts on all things COVID-19, Black Lives Matter, politics, and pretty much anything else big going on. Of course there is always fear of speaking out on my beliefs. And there has also been a GREAT amount of reflection.

Who am I…?

Who am I to say anything about COVID-19? Definitely no doctor, no expert of any kind. Just some regular citizen. I’m not even suffering in the ways that most people are, I have a large, safe home to stay in, where I already worked from home, and while it has been tough and a little hairy at times, I still have financial security and feel very grounded in all of my basic, root chakra needs. So who am I to complain about any of this, or even have an opinion on it?

Who am I to have an opinion on Black Lives Matter? Other than the obvious (OBVIOUS, and if it’s not obvious to you, we will NOT agree, so you can just move right along) need for us as a country to care about the lives of EVERY citizen regardless of sex, race, religion, political stance, gender identity, etc. Of course this matters to me. But I am a privileged, upper middle class, straight cis white woman. So should I be using my privilege to speak up and help? Or sit down and shut up? I am definitely confused, and I know that’s my confusion to figure out, and marginalized people have every RIGHT to be confusing, hurt, and frankly be processing however they are, or have to be. I’d want that right if I were treated the way that people of color and minorities are in this country.

Who am I to have an opinion on politics? I can recognize that I, like many Americans whether they can or will admit it or not, have very little extensive knowledge on our Constitution, how the justice system works, how the government works, what REALLY goes on vs. what is SUPPOSED to go on. I did not go to school for it. I am often confused by what our actual rights are. I am confused by the two party system. I am confused by how the two existing parties sort of switched ideologies around the Civil War. How are you supposed to fit 350 million unique experience and views into TWO categories?? This makes no sense to me? But do you get it? How am I supposed to make good decisions based on a system that makes no sense? And how can I trust a system where so much weight is put on one man, and hardly any on the body that actually matters and does the work? We may all know that Congress runs the US, but in the mainstream there is SO much energy given to the President. Any President! Loving them hating them, it doesn’t matter, there’s no such thing as bad press after all!

As I reflect on “who am I…” to have any thoughts or opinions about anything really, I have to first look at who I am.

An Army brat
A theatre nerd
A recovered alcoholic
A sufferer of mental health
An MBA holder
An entrepreneur
A yogini
A yoga teacher
A spiritual seeker
A believer of truth in all religions
A wife

What does any of this even mean? Well, it depends on who you ask. I am one of 7 billion, so at the end of the day…this means nothing. I am a blip on the radar that is 2020, and this entire lifetime of 80 years or so. We all are. What does my existence even really mean? Not much when you look at the biggest picture. This ideology makes me quiet. It makes me shut up. It makes me feel like I don’t matter, and what I say or do people don’t care about. This can be good OR bad, depending on my mood.

The other viewpoint? I am one of God’s kids. I am an American. I am proud. I am intelligent. I am powerful. I am sovereign. All of these things are my birthright, and it is my birthright just like anyone else to stand up, speak up, make a difference, stir the pot, share my thoughts, views, and ideas on the world. My views will always piss someone off. They will always be argued. They will always be a point of contention. Why? Honestly, I don’t believe it’s because of disagreement. I believe it’s because when powerful people exist in their own sovereignty it is highly triggering to those who have yet to experience this freedom.

So Here’s What I Have To Say…


It is what it is. There is SO much conflicting information out there, and at this point it is taking up precious spiritual energy trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong. I don’t care about anyone’s feelings about it anymore. Everyone has experienced feelings during this extremely hard time, but expressing those feelings as made no one any closer to feeling better about the situation, or knowing any more facts. While I believe in crooked government and definite corruption (I’ll write a whole blog about lobbyists, the FDA, big pharma, and our agriculture system…), I don’t believe in most conspiracy theories. Some may call them the same thing, but I don’t waste my time in things that can’t be proven. There are enough corruptions that can be proven that I believe we could focus our energy toward to fix more problems and help more people.

So now to me it’s not about how you feel about this situation, but what are you doing? I am doing my best to stay in the present moment, in gratitude, in self-care. In knowing that I don’t have all the answers, I never will, and it doesn’t matter. If God wanted us to have all the answers, we would, and honestly, then life would be pretty boring.

Black Lives Matter

Hey. Black Lives…Matter. It’s not that difficult. You can rip apart the rhetoric, talk about “all lives”, try to justify, try to examine the details, but the majority of people doing this are…white. Which means you are speaking out of fear, and not experience. And quite frankly, you’re speaking out of turn. I have decided to use my privilege for good, to speak out. And that has not even been met with peace at all times, but you know what? I expect that. I expect to be questioned, to be examined, to be called false, to be called a manipulative non-ally. And if those accusations hurt my feelings, it’s probably because there is some truth to them and I have something internally to examine. And they HAVE hurt my feelings before. And I have examined. I have found that I, like most of us, have totally been complicit in systemic racism.

When I used to work in retail we were “told” without being “told” to follow black people around the store because, historically, it was mostly black people who were shoplifting. I know now this was just because the specific neighborhood that mall was in was mostly black. I 100% guarantee you that there are white Karen’s shoplifting at Downtown Summerlin, Scottsdale, Beverly Hills…pick a rich, white neighborhood in your city, doesn’t matter, they are all doing it. It’s just a fact, I’ve seen it happen. But do we follow them around the store? No, of course not. Thus, systemic racism.

Do I have any answers on how to dismantle the system? Of course not. It’s too big. It’s too huge. It’s been too ingrained in our entire culture for hundreds of years. And I’m not qualified to have a specific opinion on how we should go about it because I do not have personal experience being ridiculed in this country because of my differences. I have experiences in being racist. So that’s how I fix it. I don’t be racist anymore. I will be anti-racist when I see other white people doing things I used to do. And I will do my best to listen and work at it every day.


The system is broken. I mentioned it above. How can 350 million ideologies fit into two parties? It makes no sense. How can our justice system fail SO MANY people? How can a justice system of policing that was based on the 13th amendment still be current today?? (Go watch 13th on Netflix, seriously it will blow your mind).

I don’t know any answers here either. I get confused, again by laws, and policies, and how the government works. It’s such a tricky system they’ve put together…confuse the people and sell them on shiny rhetoric like “Build The Wall!” and they’ll vote for you, even if they have no idea what they’re doing. Yes, that’s right, use the systemic racism that’s built into our system to trick the sheep into following the false shepherd, so he can gain power.

This is not the Republic our forefathers had in mind. Not at all. I don’t know the answers, but I have to believe that making a third party a major contender that could actually win political races has to be a start.

Here’s What I Do Know

I don’t have a lot of experience in the topics above, I’ve mentioned this. I have a lot of thoughts, feelings, but not a lot of experience. I do have a lot of experience in business and spiritual work. These may sound like widely varying topics, and I’d agree that they are, but it doesn’t matter, this is where my experience lies. And being spiritually sound has led me to be able to be a successful entrepreneur and business owner.

I don’t put all my faith in my own ability to hustle and sell and make money. I put my faith in God, in sovereignty, in peace of mind. I have shifted my perspective of spirituality and the way of life here on earth as a soul having a human experience. I have created a life where I have tools to help me deal with the chaos of all the insanely difficult topics above. And to me, that peace of mind no matter what is going on in the world is more valuable experience than anything else in the world.

Where I Go From Here

This leaves me in a very precarious place of truly questioning myself and what I’m doing here…do I speak up? Do I stay quiet and mind my own business? I have learned from many spiritual teachers before me that we are in the action business, and God is in the results business. If the term God offends you, you can also just politely see yourself out, but I’d challenge you to stay and get open-minded. Call it the universe, Mother Earth, whatever you want. There is something greater at hand and I have zero control over what occurs as a result of my actions. I only control my actions.

So I have decided to do just that – act. Sometimes silence, listening, is an action. Sometimes speaking up is the action. Sometimes the action is waiting. Either way, I will act. I will move. I will speak. I will listen. I will wait. Life is too short to not be exactly who I am, regardless of what anyone thinks about that.

And who I am, and who I strive to be is love, light, and an activist against anything that isn’t just exactly that.

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