COVID-19 Quarantine – Week 6

Monday, April 20th 2020 – Day 35

Yesterday was Kirk’s birthday and it was so fun! Our friend threw together a birthday parade for him and then our other friends came over for dinner it was nice to see people but also made me realize how paranoid I am and how sucked into this whole fear thing I’ve gotten. I don’t think I’m ready to be around people. I’ve gotten too used to being home alone, quiet, just me and Kirk. I have not felt like meditating lately. I have taken breaks off social media, then I’m right back on. I feel all out of sorts and I’m ready for this to be over. Life will continue to bring challenges and that’s fine, but at least it’s easier when you can be with your people and not process alone.

Later on Monday after work…a reading…

My Past – Page of Swords

I have in the past wanted to do everything myself. I look into the powerful sunset awaiting my own glory…don’t you all know who I am?? I have great ideas. Amazing ideas even! And they’re better than yours! And I’m extremely intelligent. I’m looking forward alone. I have my weapon, that is my ego, at the ready. I don’t need God, I will handle this. I can do this on my own. God gave me free will and work is something created out of mankind…why would he help me with work? This is mine. It is mine to connect with, to show the world I can do something, that I am worth something.

Present – Reversed Temperance

I am tempting myself with my own character defects to see if they still work, if they still serve me. I’m learning the hard way that, no, of course they do not work, they do not serve me. I am a queen, but I am confused. I am flirting with my own femininity and trying to balance it with my masculinity – my work force energy. It is strong. I am unbalanced. I am not thinking or biding my time efficiently. I need to think of yoga time as my free time, my down time. It’s what I enjoy the most. This is my favorite thing, let that be my job, my joy.

Future – Two of Rods

Looking back, I will know and have always known that I hold the world in my hands. And while I have myself at the ready for battle, God brings himself too and helps me defeat my own past, which lives in my mind.

My ego, my chaos, my resentments, my running thoughts – these are God’s to battle with. Me, I must put in the work. I must put down the social media and meditate, journal, or practice asana immediately upon wakening. I must get to these early in the morning to get back my devotion to God and his help. If I devote myself to God he will devote himself back to me.

Tuesday, April 21st 2020 – Day 36

I feel much better today! God is in charge of my work life today. Here we go…

Wednesday, April 22nd 2020- Day 37- Earth Day!

I feel like even with all the challenges facing me, mainly my own mind, I am still coming back to groundedness. I have obviously been doing a lot of writing and I have finally been meditating a little more. I feel like I lost that for a week or two. Even for me, it can be hard to sit with myself, my own thoughts, at times. I reread a portion of “The Untethered Soul” last night. I need to stay in literature of some type at all times. I feel it helps to see the words on paper that I know I’m not crazy.